This isn’t your normal, sickeningly-sweet, tries-but-fails-to-be-quirky, boring old love story.

This is the truth, my truth—Theodore Stonegaurd’s side of the story. Not the lies and sensationalist bullshit written about me by a conniving and overly-ambitious journalist harpy.

I’m talking about Ashley Leigh, the girl who writes about my life in the Huntington Herald, the girl who would love nothing more than to see me and my family drawn, quartered, and cast into the fiery depths of hell. It’s a shame too, because she happens to be one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever laid eyes on and I’m sure she’s one a hell of a good lay…for once, I’d love to put that mouth of hers to good use.

But here’s the thing, nobody messes with the Stonegard family and comes out unscathed. Let’s just say my father doesn’t f**k around when it comes to dealing with scandal and defamation. He wants me to get in close to her, charm her, win her over and change her mind about me and my family so that she’ll stop writing her column. He promises that if I don’t “take care of her”, then he will.

Turns out there’s a lot more to Ashley Leigh than meets the eye. She’s a witty little minx, she gives me hell right back, and doesn’t hesitate to slap me when I most assuredly deserve it. I hate that she isn’t swayed by my charm, good looks, infinite wealth and influence. For once in my life she’s the only thing I want but can’t have.

I hate her so much I think I’m falling in love with her…

The problem is, I never told her how I feel...and I’ll already be dead by the time she reads this.